bego Funny Status Messages

   Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll.

   Ignores phone call* -Text them- “You called me?”

   PROFILE PICTURES: What people want other people to think they look like. TAGGED PICTURES: What they actually look like.

   Ever drive somewhere, completely zoned out, and wonder, ‘How the heck did I just get here?' Then start freaking out about how many red lights you must have ran. Yeah, happens all the time.

   Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   I hate it when people say " you need your beaut sleep" damn B**ch, you need to hibernate!

   Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   Sending a risky text & thinking.. “Oh god, they hate me,” if they don't respond within 30 seconds.

   NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”  

   NO, you don't have “haters”. People just don't like you. Get over yourself.

   Facebook needs a “Drama of the day” section in my news feed. 

   Everyone thinks that girls dream about finding the perfect guy, pssht we dream about eating whatever we want and not getting fat!

   P.M.S.= Pass my shotgun

   Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall.

   Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

   The #1 biggest lie from a girl: I'm fine...

   Why do some men feel the need to make his woman jealous of other beautiful girls? A real man should be making other beautiful girls jealous of his woman!!

   I wish people on FB would just write, "I'm dying for attention! Please comment on this!". Instead of all the dramatic posts with only half the situation given.