Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 905 of 6446

Kim Jong Un has made millions of Americans look up the word dotard. So far, he's done way more education than Betsy DeVos.
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09-22-2017 22:07
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I didn't mean to gain weight...It was a snacident!
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09-22-2017 21:59
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You know what they say about identity theft. Fool me once,shame on you,fool me twice shame on you because you're me now.
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09-22-2017 17:13 by Cicci
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Being energy efficient. When I saw an advertisment for a solar power clothes dryer. I ordered one. What I receive was a 25 foot clothes-line and a pack of 50 clothes pins.
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09-22-2017 16:15 by Jake
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Whenever I see signs on Social Media that read, "I stand with PP" I secretly think, "I stand while I pee-pee but I don't feel the need to broadcast that information.”
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09-22-2017 11:59
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Rocket Man & Dotard meet in Nambia to avoid another bowling green massacre, Obama tapes the entire thing via microwave.
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09-22-2017 11:50
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OK. Who decided to call it "marijuana possession" and not "joint custody"?
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09-22-2017 07:21
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I hate it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party! Besides, my dog is receiving his First Communion that day....
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09-22-2017 07:12
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What's the best thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself. What's the worst thing about being single? Having the bed all to yourself.
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09-21-2017 21:01
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Anyone knows where I can get some decaffeinated Nambian Covfefe? It's made with 100% confussion.
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09-21-2017 18:14
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Puerto Rico is showing us how to make teenagers and their annoying smartphones disappear - just cut the power
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09-21-2017 16:51
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Whoever claims they invented goat yoga stole the idea from Wyoming sheep ranchers. Okay, maybe they didn't use yoga mats but they beat you to the punch boys.
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09-21-2017 16:39
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If Hillary really wanted a best seller, she should have included her 30,000 deleted emails.
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09-21-2017 10:01
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Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
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09-21-2017 08:53
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I just found a worm in the apple I was about to have for lunch. But I guess that's better than finding half a worm after I had taken a bite.
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09-21-2017 07:22
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Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
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09-21-2017 07:17
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I learned all my dance moves from the paternity test episodes on Maury Povich.
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09-21-2017 07:16
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Word of the Day: Gate Rape - An overly intrusive TSA screening at the airport.
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09-21-2017 07:10
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What I like about dogs is you can lock them in the basement over night. And in the morning their glad to see you. Your wife on the other isn't.
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09-21-2017 01:54 by Will
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It's only 2017 and I am already sick and tired of the Orange Man.
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09-20-2017 22:46
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