Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 905 of 6383
EPA/Science: If we dont do something about Water War, Food War, Ice Age, Acid Rain, Ozone, Over population, Solar Flares, Y2k, Cimate Change/Warming/Weather, we will be dead within 15 years.
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04-29-2017 20:41
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Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
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04-29-2017 20:20
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Damn! Trump really hates the LGBT community. I don't remember any president openly come out as a bigot and proud of it.
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04-29-2017 17:33
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I just executed a North Korean Squirrel.
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04-29-2017 15:24
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Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
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04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick
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Trumps latest slogan...Make America Golf Again!
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04-29-2017 12:12
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I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
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04-29-2017 07:00
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My inner self is in Photoshop
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04-29-2017 06:59
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As a kid getting sent to bed was a punishment, but now leaving my bed feels like a punishment
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04-29-2017 06:56
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The number 5 is pronounced "ha" in thai so 555 is slang for "hahaha"
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04-29-2017 06:56
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Who else has this problem? "I want to start eating my meal, but I can't find the perfect TV show to watch while I eat"
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04-29-2017 06:55
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DR. check his vital signs, NURSE: He's got 4G coverage and his battery is at 60%
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04-29-2017 06:52
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Your boyfriend/hubby is always beating you up and you say its "Gangster love",no its not,its WWE SMACKDOWN....you dating John Cena!?
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04-29-2017 05:11
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My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
Im too honest to live in poverty. I have a job.
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04-28-2017 14:53
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It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
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04-28-2017 14:27
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The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
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04-28-2017 12:30
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Woke up to the sound of gunfire this morning. Luckily, my wife is not a good shot.
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04-28-2017 11:32
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People should only be allowed to take selfies as often as they renew there license.
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04-28-2017 08:36
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Be careful when a guy says "he loves you from the bottom of his heart",this may mean that "there is still enough space for another girl at the top"
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04-28-2017 07:52
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