Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 902 of 6383
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
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05-06-2017 16:11
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I really hate conflict........unless you guys like it,in that case I love it.
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05-06-2017 16:00 by Cicci
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You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
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05-06-2017 13:12
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Why is sorting "Price: High to Low" even an option
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05-06-2017 13:05
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That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.
I t.hink I. mig.ht hav.e ina.dverte.ntly tak.en one .of my wif.e's bir.th c.ontrol pi.lls beca.use m.y perio.ds a.re irr.egu.lar
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05-06-2017 08:24
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I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo. - said no Juan ever.
Auto correct is my worst enema
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05-06-2017 04:02
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Harvard researchers now claim that "eating boogers are good for you" adding they are a "rich reservoir" of bacteria. Yeah well, so is toilet water, but that don't mean I'm drinkin' any.
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05-06-2017 03:43 by Jiffy Pop
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Hmmmm, Those guys who usually mow my whole yard for 20 bucks were celebrating for some reason down at the Home Depot today.....
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05-06-2017 01:26
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not having to set an alarm is one of the greatest feelings EVER!
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05-05-2017 23:23 by Cicci
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Without a shadow of a doubt, if my boss and I were "FB friends", I would've been fired over 5 times through the years...and forced to submit to at least 2 mental health evals...
How many SJWs does it take to screw a light bulb? A: One. They hold it in place and expect the world to revolve around them.
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05-05-2017 20:25
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Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you're horny, but can't stand to look at each other !
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05-05-2017 16:01
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I'm not trying to brag but I can wear the same size socks today that I did in high school.
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05-05-2017 15:54 by Aerotim
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We all have faults. It's just that mine are better than yours.
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05-05-2017 15:29 by Aerotim
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Me and my recliner go way back.
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05-05-2017 15:28 by Aerotim
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Happy National Day of Predation.
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05-05-2017 14:04 by HotTea
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My body is so exhausted but my mindset is wide awake.
If yesterday was "May the Fourth Be With You" is tomorrow "Revenge of the Sixth"?
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05-05-2017 09:12
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