Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 900 of 6383
So ABC/Disney cancel "Last Man Standing".... The Hollywood left strikes again.
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05-11-2017 17:05 by Soflpaul
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Remember when perjury was a crime punishable by being fired or jail. Now its against the law for republicans.
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05-11-2017 09:31
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Trump has decided to build a wall around the FBI Building.
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05-11-2017 05:16
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If you love someone who doesn't love you, means you are waiting for a ship at the airport!
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05-11-2017 04:07
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PRO TIP: You Can't be under FBI investigation if there's no FBI Director.
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05-11-2017 02:35
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Looks like Comey will now be able to wake up every morning and watch The View.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, please let me come back as anything but a middle-aged woman upset over guys who dump her after 3 days.
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05-10-2017 10:56
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Came home from work so tired that I decided to just lie down and relax. Five minutes later there was a knock on the door. It was my butt just catching up.
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05-10-2017 08:47
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I'm as broke as a pick pocket in a nudist colony.
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05-10-2017 08:23 by Aerotim
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I wish they would stop making things out of unicorns, , those things are already almost extinct
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05-10-2017 07:34 by snotty
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My friend has been dieting for a month now, so far he lost 30 days..
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05-10-2017 07:11
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There is absolutely never a good reason to substitute "anywho", for real words like anyhow or anyways...Ever...I think I would rather listen to fingernails scratching the blackboard...
At night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a burglar threatens me to a pillow fight.
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05-09-2017 13:20
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Why is sorting "Price: High to Low" even an option?
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05-09-2017 11:19
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I need one of you to stand up at my funeral and ask for his toaster back... thanks in advance
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05-09-2017 08:00 by snotty
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I've got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
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05-09-2017 07:45
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Today my virtually 3 year old daughter can unlock a mobile phone, open and close apps all by herself, at that age I ate sand !
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05-09-2017 06:08
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Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute?
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05-09-2017 00:46
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Never trust atoms. They make up everything
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05-08-2017 22:55 by Mr E
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Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.
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05-08-2017 22:51 by Baddie
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