BEGO Funny Status Messages

   FB lesson number #1. If you don't want people to in your business, stop posting it on your status.

   Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . .  have fun

   To those who have made Facebook their diary . . . Please slap yourself for me.

   I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut.

   ~~ S.I.N.G.L.E = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one, (L)oser (E)radicated. 

   I remember as a teenager I used to kill myself getting to a ringing telephone... Now I don't even have the ringer on.

   We have several extra kids in our house that are invisible -  their names are ~ "It wasn't me,"  "I don't know," and "Why me"

   Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener.

   ""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you.""

   Shouldn't you have to pass a urine test to collect a welfare check, since I have to pass one to earn it for you?

   You can do nice things for people all the time & they never notice.But once you make one mistake, its never forgotten.

   Do something awesome, no one sees it. Do something embarrassing, everyone sees it.

   If a tomato is a fruit, then isn't ketchup technically a smoothie?

   I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays.

   Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make paper, then write “SAVE TREES” on them.

   Instead of “lol” I put “lsimhbiwfefmtalol” Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.

   *Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let's get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”

   If I still reply to your one word text messages you're special.

   If you aren't happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it.

   Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money.