jitney Funny Status Messages

   Ya know, those JP Wentworth commercial are lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   I asked a question and this kid said "GOOGLE IT".....You and this Dammmm Google everything Generation!....If the power was to ever cut off, we are so in trouble!

   Whoever invent Hallway Swimming....go Twerk a HarlemShake sit down and Plank your Owls self somewhere! -

   I'm sorry to say, I won't be on Facebook anymore,.....see there's this ticket that I played today, and long story short....I've got to go change my identity now! Bye!

   THAT MOMENT: When the cop car that just pasts you makes a U-turn, you begin to wonder where your car papers at.....

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   I failed my driver's test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Texts and check Facebookk."

   They told me women likes edible undies, So far the only thing I've attracted with these edible undies is ants.....

   I wish you could Google anything. Liikke, "Where the F you ck is my phone?" and it would be lliikke, "It's under the couch dumbass......lol good night peeps!!!!!

   Thinking about kicking her out my Cheaters Elite club! I only deal with ppl who can find the answers for quizes fast! Not slow ppl who needs me to show them how Google came up with the answers..

   Birds born in a cage thinks flying is an illness!

   I'm a leader not a follower! Unless its a dark place, then F that, you're going first!

   I dance a little in my chair while I'm eating one of my fave meals..... Don't judge me -_-

   ***BREAKING*** Jodi Arias found GUILTY of 1st Degree Murder, Now lets find them 3 kidnapping brothers guilty too!

   If you are speaking sign language but you have parkinsons, is that considered stuttering?

   Vagiinas are like the weather if its raining and wet, Its time to go inside!

   Monday is like a math problem. Add irritation, subtract sleep, multiply problems & divide happiness. I hate Mondays!

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   WE WAS SO BROKE GROWING UP MY MOM USE TO KNOCK MY TEETH OUT JUST SO THE TOOTH FAIRY COULD BRING US SOME MONEY