MWC Funny Status Messages

   Its so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from frezzing.

   Hey! Just because I'm a jerk to your face, doesn't mean I don't talk sweet about you behind your back!

   I'm exercising, eating right & watching my alcohol intake. So don't cross me...I'm sober & I'm cranky.

   went to a shrink today. she says I have a split personality. Charged me 84.00. I paid her 42.00 and told her to get the rest from the other bi tch!

   I'm having a love/hate relationship with my antihistamines.

   Today's big idea - Coffee eye drops

   I love my new phone. I can now undate my status while crossing the stre

   Free to good home: One useless black & white neutered female 9 year old cat. So useless has let 2 mice in this year alone. Doesn't even have to be a good home. Mediocre will do!!

   I seem to be the only one in the whole house who can figure out the toilet paper and how it gets on that retracting stick

   I'm anxiously awaiting my front row tickets to...what goes around comes around

   It's colder than a tin toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg!

   Its the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine

   making a list of people to smack in the head with a fruitcake...

   Anyone who says they DON"T fart, is full of s hit...

   It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!

   A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

   Dear Santa, I plead the fifth! No wait... I drank it!!

   My letter to Santa starts something like this: Dear Santa, My sister did it..

   Just got a peek at Santa's naughty list! Amazingly, it's almost identical to my friends list. Can't believe some of the things you people have done!

   Missed the winning lottery number only by 6 numbers.