Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 899 of 6383
I don't want to seem like a snob,,, but I was the only one to not use a coupon for our Mothers day lunch..
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05-14-2017 03:43 by snotty
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From a purely ironical perspective,,, He's going to actually walk onto 5th Ave and shoot somebody before this actually ends,,, right?
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05-14-2017 03:35 by snotty
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Q. Whats the mating call of a Blackbird? A. Stick it in me Leroy!
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05-14-2017 03:27
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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home, ,, The more homeless I look.
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05-14-2017 03:25 by snotty
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In order to reconnect with my conspiracy theory family, ,, I've joined 20 "flat-earth" groups on Facebook
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05-14-2017 03:21 by snotty
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I'm beginning to think the Romans were lucky,,,,, At least Nero could play an instrument. .
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05-14-2017 03:11 by snotty
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What do the movies Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
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05-13-2017 20:30
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What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
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05-13-2017 20:29
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My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn't."
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05-13-2017 20:28
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NOAH didn't put spiders and insects on the ARK . They snuck in and hid like they do in your house..
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05-13-2017 14:04
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I have to go shopping. I got run over by a steam roller yesterday and need to get me a pair of size 200 x 14 pants.
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05-13-2017 12:12 by Mick
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I can't make you love me, but I can hold your head underwater until you stop breathing.
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05-13-2017 11:57 by psycho
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Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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05-13-2017 08:54 by Barkley
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I like to hold hands at the movies... but it always seems to freak out strangers.
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05-13-2017 08:52 by Barkley
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To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet - you can hide, but you can't run.
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05-13-2017 08:50 by Barkley
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Anyone look in the mirror and it looks like you have hail damage on the back of your thighs . Asking for a friend.
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05-12-2017 23:08 by Cyndi
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I identified a body yesterday. "That's a body!" I said.
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05-12-2017 22:34
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Watching the hilights of the rockets yesterday and it looked like Harden had his talent stole by the Monstars #spacejam3
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05-12-2017 14:12 by Migasjoe
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If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off of it by now.
According to my neighbor's rooster this morning it was 5am. Also according to my neighbor's rooster, we're having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
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05-11-2017 23:44 by Aerotim
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