Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 896 of 6446

The ocean is so deep that most people can't fathom it.
←Rate |
10-06-2017 08:28
Comments (0)

How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
←Rate |
10-06-2017 06:57
Comments (0)

Puppet theft is getting out of hand!
←Rate |
10-06-2017 05:59 by Trueman
Comments (0)

*coughs for 5 minutes straight* **checks for abs**
←Rate |
10-06-2017 02:26
Comments (0)

Moron is more of a complement, compare to the other terms people use.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 23:22 by IDTN
Comments (0)

And in the news today. Keith Richards is not dead yet. . .
←Rate |
10-05-2017 15:27 by JAB
Comments (0)

I paid for my wife to have a breast reduction. The doctor goes, "Ah, she wants a loppatittyoffamee."
←Rate |
10-05-2017 15:24 by Fabionaha
Comments (0)

Silence is golden. Unless you have a house full of young kids.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 14:12 by Jake
Comments (0)

FYI...the NRA has NEVER killed anyone, BUT....Plamned Parebthood has! Millions.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 12:55
Comments (3)

Rich people stay rich by living like they are poor. Poor people stay poor by living like they are rich.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 11:59
Comments (0)

The only problem with sport fishing is that the fish have a home field advantage.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 10:41
Comments (0)

Don’t be shy, even cats lick each other.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 09:35
Comments (0)

I've had a really bad day. First, my ex-wife got run over by a bus. Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.
←Rate |
10-05-2017 06:40
Comments (0)

Don't wait for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make it perfect. Have a great day. :)

To all my friends having a identity crisis, I love you, and you know who you are, I think?
←Rate |
10-04-2017 13:15 by Moon
Comments (0)

My buddy was upset that he lost out on a promotion at work to an attractive older woman. I told him not to cry over skilled MILF.
←Rate |
10-04-2017 12:45
Comments (0)

Someone here said that bullying and insulting people, for no good reason, means you're doing things right. When did humanity get so stupid?
←Rate |
10-04-2017 12:32
Comments (3)

You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn't fit anymore.
←Rate |
10-04-2017 10:43
Comments (1)

Lasik surgery is at least $500 to just fix an eye....on wheel of fortune I can buy the I for half that price
←Rate |
10-03-2017 18:29 by Eddy
Comments (0)

With the amount of Viagra Hugh Hefner has taken at his age, good luck closing the casket lid.
←Rate |
10-03-2017 10:53
Comments (0)