Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 894 of 6446

We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet.
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10-11-2017 08:21
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Funny how there was no mention of Harvey Weinstein on Kimmy Kimmel last night
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10-11-2017 08:20
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United States population: 323.1 million. Trinidad and Tobago population: 1.3 million. And they just eliminated us from the World Cup.
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10-11-2017 07:56 by CrackY
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The thing that truly makes amusement park rides scary is that you are entrusting your life to a teenager that is earning minimum wage to make sure you are securely fastened into your seat.
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10-11-2017 06:15
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Last Halloween night while at a bus stop. I saw a priest, a nun and a prostitute pass buy. Still don't know if they were wearing a costume for Halloween or not.
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10-10-2017 23:45 by Jake
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You want to force people to stand for the flag? Please tell me more about this FREE country of yours?
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10-10-2017 23:21
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Living in a nudist colony, takes all the fun out of Halloween.
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10-10-2017 22:54 by Jake
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When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
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10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake
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How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
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10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake
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Pepsi is now pulling its sponsorship of the Miami Dolphins, after hearing they prefer Coke!
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10-10-2017 13:28 by IraSult
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I know it's early..but I often forget things, so I've just written my letter to Santa, warning him not to drink the milk at Bill Cosby's place!!
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10-10-2017 13:13 by Truman
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If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
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10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake
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Want to confuse people this Halloween? Wear a Santa Claus suit as your costume.
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10-10-2017 07:07 by Jake
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My husband said I need a scary costume for Halloween this year, so I'm dressing up as a Positive Pregnancy Test.
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10-10-2017 05:36
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For Halloween I'm going to wear a t-shrit with the word life on it and hand out lemons.
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10-09-2017 22:59 by Jake
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Didn't know Dolphins do coke. Do they turn their heads upside down?
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10-09-2017 21:06
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Yeah, the coach doing cocaine makes the NFL look so innocent huh libtards?
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10-09-2017 18:00 by GonTrump
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Harvey Weinstein is a woman hating jerk. I hope he never makes another dime again.
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10-09-2017 15:50
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If the left truly cared about women, they'd be speaking out against Weinstein....but nothing but crickets!
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10-09-2017 15:31
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Teddy Kennedy, Slick Willie, & Harvey Weinstein...all champions for women's rights!
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10-09-2017 13:03
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