BEGO Funny Status Messages

   When people go underwater during movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I died at Finding Nemo.

   You know you are in love with a guy when you think about having sex with him.

   My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.

   Okay, let's get this straight. There's no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world. Work it out amongst yourselves.

   Bi$ch please, I can wipe 90 percent of you're so called "BEAUTY" off with a freaking towel!

   Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries, rub one ball and everything moves.

   Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder" That shut em up 

   Valentines Day is almost here! I still can't find my handcuffs and whip!!

   A relationship without trust is like having a phone with no service. And what do you do with a phone with no service? You play damn games.

   Some people just need to change their status updates to, “Needs attention.”

   Before I eat chips, I have to look in the bag for a perfect one

   Teacher asks: What is the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife.Student replies: Prepaid, post paid and unlimited plan.

   Instead of Valentine's Day we should change it to Forever Alone Day

   I hate it when they call you from someone else's phone And you answered it

   I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage...

   Hate when I'm Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.

   RELATIONSHIP TIP: You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Becoming happy with who you are and acknowledging your flaws.

   Question Of The Day- Why isn't there a mouse flavored cat food?

   Doctors say a drink a day is good for the heart. I say, a case a day is good for the memory, it helps you forget all the as$holes around you!

   Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M&M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages.