Funny Status Messages

   Please stop trying to trick me into a conversation

   The Gluttony scene from Se7en really isn’t torture if you love spaghetti and want to die.

   Choked on my coffee this morning so I guess I'm done for my daily cardio.

   The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.

   Just Thinking Again: Children in third world countries are now sporting brand new 2017 world series champion Dodgers apparel.

   The only true anonymous donor is the guy who knocked up your daughter.

   My wife just complimented me on my Alligator shoes. Problem is....I'm not wearing any shoes.

   Just think, without microwave ovens, we couldn't drink 50 degree hot chocolate from a 500 degree mug!

   Trump: " I prefer Coca-Cola " MSNBC: " Trump declares war on the whole Pepsi generation "

   A woman started choking in the lineup at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

   So the Houston Astros beat the Los Angeles Dodgers to win the World Series. Sort of reminds me fondly of last year's presidential election. (Red State beats Blue State).

   Harvey Weinstein has invited all the disappointed teenage Dodger fans to his home for jello shots and back rubs.....

   Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]

   If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.

   The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.

   Every time I try dating I get a new sister.

   So a team part of a red state wins the World Series? Interesting.

   For an 84 year old Chuck Grassley sure can exit a room quickly.

   So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.

   My mother-in-law sent me the link to the site where you can buy a boarding pass to Mars. She even offered to pay for the ticket. That's so sweet of her.