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Wen I say "ladies first" to a girl I just wanna look at her ass. The point is I never say "ladies first" to skinny assless girls.
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06-08-2017 14:37
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If life had a reset button. Mine would probably be worn off due to over pressing it.
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06-08-2017 14:35
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Strangers have the best candy..
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06-08-2017 11:20 by
JoeMama
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Except for a lawful euthanization, the malicious killing of a dog or a horse should prosecuted as a homicide.
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06-08-2017 08:05
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People are like cutlery. Women want to spoon and men want to fork.
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06-08-2017 08:03
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"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can't hit a baseball."
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06-08-2017 07:51
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I had my GF wear her Starbucks uniform to bed for some role playing. She got my name wrong during thr sex. FML
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06-08-2017 07:49
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Bars are opening early Thursday. Russian vodka shots 1/2 price....
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06-07-2017 20:07
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people either say i'm "pretty funny" or "pretty smart" but they always forget the word "and"
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06-07-2017 17:43 by
Eddy
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I wish we lived in a better world. A world where I can order mozzarella sticks, and not get judged or quetioned when I ask them to put cheese on them
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06-07-2017 10:28 by
@UncleBSolomon
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Tupperware...how about TupperWHERE IS THE FRIGGIN LID!
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06-07-2017 07:43 by
Zumba Di
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If I ever I start thinking about get married I'm going to first let them use my slow as molasses computer with slow Internet service just to see who they really are.
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06-06-2017 20:39
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People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
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06-06-2017 09:49
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My boss told me to ease up on the coffee. She said I keep shorting out the motion sensors.
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06-06-2017 08:35
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Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
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06-06-2017 08:28
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If Justin Bieber thinks he's the Kurt Cobain of this generation why hasn't he killed himself yet?
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06-06-2017 08:26
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I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
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06-06-2017 08:25
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ICEBERGS: Ha ha!.. We just sunk the Titanic... HUMANS: Oh yeah?... We'll show you. . We'll show ALL you!... *starts global warming
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06-06-2017 06:48 by
snotty
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I just keep telling myself you guys don't have sex either.
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06-06-2017 02:16 by
Kisstopher707
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My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We'll see about that.
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06-05-2017 19:29 by
Cicci
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