Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   Gross thought of the day... Vienna sausage juice.

   Q. What does a day old donut have in common with Betty White? A. They're both pretty dry when you eat them.

   I'll bet that hookers calculate their profits and losses by using a spread sheet.

   If you have a Democrat passenger, you get free parking in the handicap zone.

   Why should Libs be buried 100 feet deep? Because deep down, they're really good people.

   What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish? One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom feeder and the other one is a fish.

   My NRA firearms Instructor beats your demo rapist movie producer or former President

   My mechanic couldnt fix my breaks so he put in a louder horn.

   A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.......A friend is typing.........A friend is typing........A friend is typing...........A friend is typing......... Hey!

   I lived through Obama. You'll live through Trump.

   I don't need anger management. I need for people to stop pissing me off.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.

   The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

   The Hero who shot the Texas church shooter was a NRA Certified Instructor armed with an AR15.

   Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.

   Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.

   Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!

   I love how sharks swim around with their fins out like they want high fives, but then they're like, Screw you! ...and they eat your face off.

   I don't know why I ever joined Facebook, I mean like seriously, this is the worst dating website ever!