Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 869 of 6446

"Baby On Board" sign help us look for a baby in case of an crash and the parents are unconscious.
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12-06-2017 05:57
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Does the "Baby On Board" sign help us decide which car not to hit ?
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12-06-2017 05:53
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Brexiters who’ve spent 18 months saying ‘you lost, get over it’ are still waiting to discover what they’ve won.
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12-06-2017 00:02
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Sometimes you can just tell it's going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
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12-05-2017 08:33
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Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife?
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12-05-2017 08:29
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Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.

She just needs a shot of vitamin D.
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12-05-2017 05:26
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Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
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12-05-2017 05:20
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When I look at you, I can hear music.
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12-05-2017 04:59
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I can't believe it's been 5 years since the world ended in 2012
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12-05-2017 04:04
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When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it
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12-05-2017 04:03
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If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn't let you skip
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12-05-2017 04:03
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If you do the hokey pokey & turn yourself around, does that make you the bottom?
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12-05-2017 01:11 by Gimjer
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I just put (3) Bit-coins in the car wash and got a 30K wash. :(
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12-05-2017 00:50 by Rick
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The population of the USA 323.1 million, CNN Fake News watchers 1.72 million. 99% stand with Trump, unless you’re an idiot.
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12-04-2017 22:27
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Everyone, get your time in the gym now before the end of the yr.. it gets packed for 2 months from those "New yr, New me" ppl... then they give up after 2 months
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12-04-2017 22:02
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By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights
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12-04-2017 21:17 by Jake
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Kennedy put a man on the moon, Obama put a man in the ladies room.
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12-04-2017 20:56
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I've been invited to a neighbour's house later for drinks with nibbles!...they treat that bloody cat like Royalty?
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12-04-2017 15:11 by Trueman
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Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
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12-04-2017 12:05
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