santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!

   We're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f-ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a$$ down that chimney tonight,he's going to see the jolliest bunch of a$$holes this side of the nuthouse!

   Kids brought home a flier from school yesterday asking how many would be attending the "holiday celebration" at school. My wife writes down 4, then crosses out "holiday celebration" and writes in CHRISTMAS PARTY! Just call her old school!

   heard that Christmas is being cancelled! Santa was beaten up by three black women after he walked down the street saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

   This Friday, the offical Christmas tree was delivered to the White House. Unfortunately, the Secret Service had already let in three other trees that claimed they were on the list.

   You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass

   Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still sh*t your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough sh*t.

   may not be Santa, but it doesnt mean he hasnt seen you while you're sleeping...

   wake me up when is xmas over coz I cant afford buy any presents....

   wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.

   Confucius says "Christmas trees are like priests...their balls are just for decoration"......

   Erm, Dear Santa, let me explain... the money was only resting in my account, and that thing with the elves , I have destroyed the negatives so you can be rest assured I will not black mail you for any pressies this year, been a good run, 30 plus years...

   dear Santa, let me explain...

   I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people;17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

   This Christmas, let's put misteltoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!

   ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.

   In hindsight...maybe telling the whole family while we were pulling names for christmas grab bag that I was going to be getting into directing porn was not really the ideal time to do so....I did however draw Grandma Gertrude though!!!!

   just hacked into Santa's computer. All corporate executives will be getting coal this year.

   Santa..he's pretty lucky..cuz he knows where all the naughty girls are at..that's why he's so jolly you see?