BEGO Funny Status Messages

   TEENAGERS: The most misunderstood people on earth. Treated like children & expected to act like adults.

   DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮￦￡." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."

   OPERATOR: "9-1-1 please hold." ME: "Okay. Wait, stop stabbing me for a sec." MURDERER: "K."

   Fast replies make me feel like you actually want to talk to me. But slow replies make me think you're talking to someone better.

   I sent a text message pouring my damn heart out, and all you reply back with is "K"... B$tch you was better off not replying.

   What would life be like without women? A pain in the as$.

   Try this for fun: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "Sorry for the damage." Watching them is priceless.

   Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity.

   Being single is better than being lied to, cheated on, and disrespected.

   Don't judge me until you know me. Don't underestimate me until you challenge me. And don't talk about me until you talk to me

   It's amazing how dudes can take care of Jordan's, but can't take care of a woman.

   The less you give a damn, the happier you will be.

   It's almost guaranteed that every Saturday and Sunday I ask my friends, "Did I do anything stupid last night?"

   Girls love shoes... so if she throws one at you, you know she's really pissed off.

   I can't remember the last time I heard a dial tone.

   Why even hit on chicks this weekend? I've already been fuc$ed once this week by gas prices.

   I hate it when websites ask me, "Are you a human?" It's like, no, I'm a freakin' unicorn.

   Common sense is like deodorant... The people who need it most never use it.

   My shower only has two options: 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.

   Did you know that the word "suns" upside down is still "suns"? Mind = BLOWN