Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 854 of 6383
CNN, FOX, MSNBC. I'm not a fan of any biased news outlets. That's why I get all my information from one channel and one channel only. The Cartoon Network.
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09-04-2017 08:03 by GinzoMike
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I think hurricanes with male names should be called "himicanes."
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09-04-2017 07:44
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A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
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09-03-2017 02:50 by Jake
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Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
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09-02-2017 23:44 by markf
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it's no coincidence that "twitter" has a bird logo and somehow every pigeon in my neighborhood knows when I just finished washing my car.
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09-02-2017 22:53
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A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
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09-02-2017 15:48
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Most wives don't mind if their husband bring some work home to do. But my sister does, her husband is a mortician.
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09-02-2017 15:13 by Jake
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..School has started. I got my life back. What evey mother is thinking.
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09-02-2017 15:02
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I saw a piece of trash blowing in the wind It made me think of you
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09-02-2017 11:43
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"Ask her out, Bro." "I can't." "Why not?" "I don't have the guts." -conversation between two skeltons.
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09-02-2017 08:23
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I sure wish Texas had that $150billion that Obama gave to Iran.
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09-02-2017 08:14
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A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza.
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09-02-2017 07:13
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ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
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09-02-2017 07:12
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You can't spell amusement without semen!
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09-02-2017 07:12
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Remember in your 20s when you sat upright to eat? Good times.
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09-02-2017 07:10
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If I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender can I tell everyone that "Yeah, I Juice."
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09-02-2017 07:07
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EMINEM: My symptoms: palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, and I threw up Mom's spaghetti WEB MD: you have cancer
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09-02-2017 06:42 by huck
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People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.
Where do you place the cornerstone in a roundhouse
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09-02-2017 02:32
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Most wives don't mind if their husband brings some work home with them to do. But my sister sure does. Her husband is a mortician.
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09-01-2017 23:28 by Jake
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