Baddie Funny Status Messages

   My wife is always walking into things and getting hurt. Yesterday it was our bedroom while I was shagging her sister.

   GRAMMAR: The difference between knowing YOUR sh!t and knowing YOU'RE sh!t.

   Bros over Hoes! ...Unless she's not a hoe.

   Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons, but I think they forgot to mention Morons.

   My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.

   Fellas: She exercises with a Shake Weight to perfect her hand job, marry her

   When playing Modern Warfare 3 video game, is the menu suppose to…okay, I guess by now the girls have stopped reading. So fellas, any of you out there get nervous when make up sex starts with a BJ?

   You can tell some girls are sluts because you can smell it through their Facebook photos.

   I bought a used sex doll. I like a woman with experience.

   Some people can rely on their personality for birth control.

   Never trust a woman with smelly armpits.

   Hey Rihanna, do you mind if me if me, Lil Wayne, Drake & the guys skateboard on your forehead?

   LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.

   Big girls don't cry. (They eat)

   Gay people are such immaculate dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

   Do strippers have nightmares about going to work fully clothed?

   My girlfriend said she's sick of me 'always being RIGHT'.... So I LEFT

   I am done making fun of fat people, they have enough on their plate already.

   I don't know why it's so hard for ugly people to get laid. Just get together with each other. Problem solved.

   FACT: Handicapped parking spaces to handicapped drivers ratio is way too high.