Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not all superheroes wear capes. Some of them tag you in memes.

   You: Cows are friends, not food. Me: Name one cow you’re friends with.

   With most women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at......LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff

   Having daughters can increase life expectancy for fathers

   Statistics say more than one third of marriages start online. The other two thirds will end online

   Don't change to get people to like you. Be your self and they will respect you.

   Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.

   How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.

   I rather be tired from working than to be broke.

   Great thing take time, be patient, they will happen.

   Just turned on the Sag awards to be disappointed it’s not about 70s porn stars....

   Great now there’s a lipoflavonoid challenge. I have no idea what that is but it doesn’t sound good

   I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

   Read a book on how to have a happy marriage. It stated to treat your wife the way you did while dating her. So after dinner tonight I'll drop her off at her parents house.

   Mathias Bachmeier is proof that the US police force isn't perfect.

   Karma has no menu. You're served what your deserve

   If you have a bladder infection, "urine" trouble.

   Yes, your smart devices can talk to each other now and they are giggling about you behind your back.

   if I ever do remarry I am going to find one of those government agents who can't talk about what they do all day.

   Crazy glue is like regular glue except it forgot to take its meds