Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 845 of 6383
hey we're back to funny quotes... Dummy-Crats must be reading Killary's book.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 20:26
Comments (1)
The worst thing about parallel parking is that there are usually witnesses.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 16:17
Comments (0)
they say you have to go through hell to get to heaven,i wish I brought my gps with me cause I'm lost.lol
←Rate |
09-16-2017 15:31
Comments (0)
My friend Ryan is getting his vasectomy reversed tomorrow...I'm planning to make a movie about it and call it "Saving Ryan's Private"
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:52
Comments (0)
thinks that Facebook should give a breathalyzer test before you can sign in.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:51
Comments (0)
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids, I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:49
Comments (0)
The kids next door have challenged me to a water fight... I'm just updating my status while I wait for the kettle to boil.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:48
Comments (0)
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:47
Comments (0)
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.95 a minute.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:47
Comments (1)
Never join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:46
Comments (0)
Monica Lewinsky has launched her new 'patriotic' theme designer dresses...they are available in red, white and blew
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:45
Comments (0)
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my arse
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:45
Comments (1)
Q. How do Mooslims practice safe sex? A. They mark the camels that kick.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:44
Comments (0)
I went to a Mooslim birthday party laDamn if that wasn't the fastest game of Hot Potato I've ever seen!
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:43
Comments (0)
My doctor thinks I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I knew that's what he was thinking
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:42
Comments (0)
Did you hear about a guy that overdosed on Viagra? Yep...it was an open casket funeral!
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:40
Comments (0)
Nothing makes me feel like a kid again quite like waking up in drool.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:40
Comments (0)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:39
Comments (1)
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:39
Comments (0)
Treat every problem like a dog...piss on it and walk off!
←Rate |
09-16-2017 14:37
Comments (0)