Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I was lost and yes I did go looking but I did not find you Cyndi Lauper. Glad I didn’t fall.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 19:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're always concern about the opinion people have about you. You'll never be happy.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 18:51 by Justathought Comments (0)  


   messageicon Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:05 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon My birthday is 9 months after my dad's. You learn to live with it.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 16:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't see any way for the Eagles to beat the Patriots now that Glenn Frey passed away.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 15:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I turned out liking you a lot more than I had originally planned.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 07:46 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I got new deodorant yesterday... The instructions said remove top and push up bottom... My bum really hurts but everytime I fart the room smells awesome.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 03:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she walks...... If she sways her hips from side to side she's good in bed. .. If she takes small steps she's unadventurous. .. If she's tiptoeing away from you shes got your credit card
←Rate | 01-24-2018 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when idiots do the "Tide pod challenge" & a friend records it, are they POD casting?
←Rate | 01-24-2018 00:52 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gym selfie challenge: Stop taking them. Seriously nobody cares that much about your workout.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do nudist clean their glasses?
←Rate | 01-23-2018 21:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your child is eating Tide Pods, you failed as a parent.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 19:35 by RickH. Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government reopened everyone hide your drugs
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Steve Bannon and Harvey Weinstein look like they went face shopping together.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't trust people who speak too fast. Trust me on this.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The problem with a President Oprah is a Vice President Dr. Phil and a Surgeon General Dr. Oz.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t be so quick to judge Donald Trump’s weight. I just found out he was Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s surrogate.
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that the government has re-opened I guess I have to stop removing these mattress tags
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:07 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody needs to invent a smoke detector that stops beeping when I yell "Alright already!"
←Rate | 01-23-2018 15:03 Comments (0)  




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