bego Funny Status Messages

   The meanest thing you can ever do to a blind person is leave a plunger in the toilet.

   If you don't think anyone loves you or cares about you, gimme me a call...I'll confirm that for you.

   Baby Shirt Idea: Did 9 months in solitary confinement

   Google: "I have everything!" Facebook: "I know everybody!" Internet:"Without me, you all are nothing." Electricity: "Keep talking, bitc$es."

   respect whoever allowed women into the military. Girl on period + gun = unstoppable

   When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can't get any worse, please remember...I don't give a s$it.

   Laughter is not the best medicine...Large amounts of beer, now that's the best medicine!

   The best thing about Facebook is that someone can disappear as quickly as they appeared!

   used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented.

   You know you took a good picture of someone when they use it as their default pic or timeline cover.

   No matter where you live, there's always 1 light switch that doesn't do anything.

   If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm "Flintstoning" That mf!

   How has sound technology come so far & yet the McDonalds drive-thru still sounds like someone is farting into a walkie-talkie.

   Irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull out" couch.

   Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 7 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide.

   Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help

   Shut up sl$t, my showers last longer than your relationships.

   Whenever my EX shows up in my Facebook feed, I think "I am so glad you're the one that got away."

   I'm fine" -All pissed off girls

   You know you're married when you find her sexier with clothes on.