Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 835 of 6383
It's not complicated....it's confusing & stressfull
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09-29-2017 21:24 by Predasa
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When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming
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09-29-2017 14:40 by BigToe
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I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.
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09-29-2017 14:38 by Gil
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Why are there so many old, retired men in church? They're cramming for the final.
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09-29-2017 13:45
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The only reason I picked up that copy of Playboy was to read Hugh Hefner's Obit.....What Pictures???
I hope old Hugh went out with a bang.
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09-29-2017 10:05
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BREAKING: Chicago Police Dept has replaced all sirens with the National Anthem, to force suspects to stop running and take a knee.
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09-29-2017 09:16
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I hate it when you try to stay behind someone one car-length for every 10 mph of speed like you were taught in Driver's Ed, and then some idiot pulls in front of you.
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09-29-2017 09:10
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No matter how much you push the envelope - it'll still be stationery.
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09-29-2017 09:10
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My doctor prescribed me some suppositories for my nausea. They’re not the best meds in the world, but they’re right up there.
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09-29-2017 07:31
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Just a friendly reminder. Trump's fiscal year starts when?.... October.
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09-29-2017 00:15
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Just added pressure to my tires today. I leaned over and whispered "You better start doing your frickin job or you will have a date with the shredder."
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09-28-2017 21:48
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Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
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09-28-2017 21:42 by markf
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Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
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09-28-2017 21:26
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If you thought Han Solo was cool you should see his brother Guitar
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09-28-2017 21:15
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Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
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09-28-2017 20:57
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Apologies to all you millennials -- the Disney Channel never prepared you for all this.
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09-28-2017 20:54
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Bruce Willis to return for Die Hard 6. Working titles are "Die Hard: Speak Up Please" and "Die Hard: When I was your age"
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09-28-2017 20:51
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Instead of reading Hugh Hefner's obituary I'm just gonna look at the pictures.
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09-28-2017 20:17 by Migasjoe
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If North Korea hits us, I think the Military should kneel down and let the NFL players handle it.
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09-28-2017 20:14
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