bego Funny Status Messages

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!

   Do you call Gatorade by the color instead of the flavor. 

   When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far and no one can ever tear them apart.

   Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.

   I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: "Bathroom closed."

   The closest friends are the ones that know too much.

   Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a women asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ

   She wants to share a Facebook account? Run.

   I called out my wife's name during sex and she walked in to see what I needed. Won't do that again.

   TIP OF THE DAY: If you can't afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.

   Want people to not mess with you? Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle and walk down the street drinking it.

   Voldemort's parents took the "I got your nose" game a little to seriously.

   That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you're moving.

   I only want two things in life: 1. Lose weight 2. Eat. 

   If a chick gets a tattoo of a horse on her boob, by the time she's 70, it'll be a giraffe!

   a girl ignoring you? Just ignore her ignoring you. Works every time.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: I wasn't looking at your boobs, I was staring into your heart...no, I lied , your boobs are awesome.

   One day, I hope to be the person my dog thinks I am.

   Some girls are like a phone call from a private caller... you can pick it up, but chances are they just want money.

   Dares you to go outside, throw a rock at your car and yell "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR STATE FARM IS THERE!"