Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 824 of 6383
My stripper name is... Get off the pole, ma'am, this is Home Depot.
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10-26-2017 15:05
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A man came knocking on the door the other day asking for donations to the Old Folks Home. So I gave him grandma.
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10-26-2017 12:40 by Barber
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Sometimes I think I'm the reason God found a need for Guardian Angels. You're welcome.
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10-26-2017 08:29
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RIP Fats Dominoe. Even though I thought you died like 20 years ago it still hurts. Ain’t That a Shame”?
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10-25-2017 22:20 by Cicci
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If a US citizen lies to Congress, it's 20 years in federal prison, but if a US Congressperson lies to citizens, it's another 2 years in office
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10-25-2017 16:28
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I get all the cardio I need by digging my own grave.
If I wanted human interaction i'd take my headphones off during this date.
Who needs a TV reality show when you have the GOP civil war to look forward to?
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10-25-2017 11:35
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Daffy Definition #348 Iditarod: Monica Lewinsky's autobiography.
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10-25-2017 10:16
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Her: [seductively removes dress] I want you to rub me down there *points Me: [removes joint pain cream from cargo shorts] Is it knee pain?
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10-25-2017 04:21
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As a trick this halloween I'm giving out caramel onions as treats.
I graduated at the top of my anger management class
Please pray for all the people at my last job. They're fine but they still work there
Jeff Flake voted against disaster relief for Hurricane Katrina. And the guy hates Trump. Now that's saying something.
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10-25-2017 01:17
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You know you’re ugly, when you can’t even get poked on FB.
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10-24-2017 15:03
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I used to complain because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I asked him if he had any shoes I could have since he didn't need them anymore.
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10-24-2017 12:47 by FastPhil
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OK. Who is the genius that decided to call it a "Beanbag Chair" and not a "Sack of Sit"?
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10-24-2017 08:24
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Trick your neighbors into thinking that you’re a werewolf, by sleeping naked in their garden.
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10-23-2017 21:12
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If your wife tells you that your right. Is that sarcasm?
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10-23-2017 19:51 by Jake
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Unprotected sex is like using a credit card, enjoy now and pay later.