bego Funny Status Messages

   16 and Pregnant? How come I didn't get my own show when I was 16? "16 and smart enough to use a rubber."

   Everything magically appears when your mom looks for it. 

   I called Siri a bitch for messing up my request and my phone automatically started dialing my ex.

   Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."

   You get in the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because they are the relationships you're willing to fight for.

   It is amazing how many problems you can solve by ignoring them.

   Did anyone ever consider Dr. Suess on some serious drugs when he wrote those books? A 6ft. Tall cat with a 2ft. Tall hat. I mean c'mon!

   Boobs are like the sun. Ok to look, but dangerous to stare. But that's what sunglasses are for.

   My doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks. So I have to sit when I pee now.

   3 reasons why I'm single… Can't date food, can't date celebs, and I can't date the internet.

   I don't care how old you are, When you see a balloon about to hit the floor, you dive too stop that sh*t.

   When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 16.

   There's a good chance you don't like me. But an even better chance I don't care.

   Whenever you're feeling down, remember, you're the sperm that won.

   5 words that scare the hell out of me in horror movies, "Based on a true story."

   It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car.

   I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I MISS ATLANTA" so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

   If I could be anything in the world I would want to be a teardrop because I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.

   A dog is always glad to see you when you get home. A cat just looks at you like "What are you doing here?

   I do 5 sit-ups every morning/afternoon. That may not sound like much, but there is only so many times that you can hit the snooze button, before the clock gives up..