Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Ice cream never asks silly questions. Ice cream understands.

   What's the difference between Tango and Rohypnol? You know when you've been Tangoed.

   Ladies; Never die a virgin, apparently when you get to heaven they make you shag a suicide bomber.

   You know you've had a good wank when you have no idea where it landed.

   In a group picture, there is always the retard that does the peace sign.

   It's hard to get the first kiss right. You want to be firm, but gentle; you want to be manly, but you don't want to wake her up.

   Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh!t.

   Just a thought: Do Muslims write OMA instead of OMG?

   Found some lovely shoes, almost new in fact, I don't know why anyone would throw them away. They were just sitting there outside the mosque.

   An 89 is just a 69 with a fat chick.

   By the age of 60, the average black woman has spent 21900 days (3 years) scratching her weave.

   That uneasy moment when you ask a midget what they want to be when they grow up.

   Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t.

   Some people don't always get asked out on a date. But when they do, it's usually on April 1st.

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows.

   Oh you don't like me? You should tell your 10 Twitter followers. That'll show me.

   My girlfriend's phone space button is broken and she text me phonebrokenIwantanalternate I'm excited, but what is a ternate?

   THINGS THAT ARE DAMN HARD TO FIND: 1. A phone on silent 2. Fat girl's clitoris 3. True love

   I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.