Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 814 of 6446

Turtles are lucky because they come with their own nap forts.
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03-14-2018 14:07
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Now that Steven Hawking is gone, who will do the emergency alert broadcasts on the radio?
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03-14-2018 11:03
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Πr² ? No. Pie are round. Cake are square.
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03-14-2018 10:00
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pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"
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03-14-2018 08:21 by Eddy
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I saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth.. She was down to the final four.
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03-14-2018 07:30 by MDS
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Stephen Hawking has died. Now he will have to face the God he said does not exist.
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03-14-2018 07:22
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If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it’s not beauty.
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03-13-2018 23:23 by Karmadoll
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It's kinda awkward when you are wiping away a girl's tears and accidentally her eyebrows too
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03-13-2018 12:25
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I didn't fight in the Cold War just so we can be friends with Russia!
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03-13-2018 11:14
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It's so strange that whenever the News sources predict this months ago, the GOP and Russian sympathisers call it "Fake News". I'm starting to see a pattern
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03-13-2018 10:41
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Hillary is now on reason #549 why she lost the election.
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03-13-2018 08:37
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I may not be the richest guy in the world...or the smartest guy in the world...or the funniest guy in the world...or the best-looking guy in the world...or the ..... Aw hell, now I'm depressed...
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03-13-2018 08:03
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I wanted a Garcia why Vega but couldn't afford it so I rolled some tobacco in a piece of brown grocery bag paper. It was close, but no cigar.
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03-13-2018 07:57
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if the brown delivery truck is UPS,why doesnt FEDEX change their name to DOWNS since they are their opposing company?
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03-13-2018 05:56 by Eddy
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I had to tell my kids Stormy Daniels was a scientist because our country is ridiculous.
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03-13-2018 03:10
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I just saw an elderly couple kissing passionately and I thought to myself, I want that... ...to stop immediately.
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03-13-2018 03:07
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If someone tells you you can’t do something, ignore them. That’s how people trick you into doing things.
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03-13-2018 03:06
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Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
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03-13-2018 03:05
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My phone rang so now I need to get a new one.
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03-13-2018 03:04
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Weekends are for losers who can tell a difference from one day to the next.
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03-13-2018 03:03
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