Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 813 of 6446

The Mexicans may not be happy with the building of trump's wall. But they will get over it.
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03-16-2018 00:25 by Jake
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I know I'am a man and not a mouse. If I were a mouse my wife would be afraid of me.
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03-16-2018 00:19 by Jake
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I've been married for 14 years. The bad part, I don't recall ever breaking two mirriors.
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03-16-2018 00:16 by Jake
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Overheard the boss telling the new guy, "I don't care if you ARE Winnie the Pooh. You still have to wear pants to work!"

Right Now: Fox News: Deadly bridge collapse in Miami. CNN: Trump witch hunt. MSLSD: Trump witch hunt.
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03-15-2018 16:25
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somebody needs to invent a Keurig but for booze
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03-15-2018 10:43
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I put the Nicoderm patch on my exhaust pipe & it still smokes. I don't think those work as good as they claim
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03-15-2018 08:34 by Eddy
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Over the top, over the top, over the top. Stop with the Jan Brady already .
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03-15-2018 02:40 by 25the45
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The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.
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03-15-2018 01:34 by Jake
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I lost my job as a Walmart greeter. Apparently it's okay when people enter the store to say, "Welcome to Walmart" . . . but not okay to add "and that's not just the booze talking, either!"
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03-15-2018 01:08
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A best friend is like a four leaf clover. They're both hard to find and lucky to have.
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03-15-2018 00:44
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If you cross a 4-leaf clover with poison ivy you'll end up with a rash of good luck.
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03-15-2018 00:40
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Somebody needs to invent a Keurig but for fudge brownies
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03-14-2018 21:08
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A good way to understand the importance of wood grain is to pet a cat.
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03-14-2018 20:59
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I used to think women were the weaker sex until the first night my wife took all the bed covers
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03-14-2018 20:47
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I can't decide whether to install a TV in the bathroom or a urinal in the family room.
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03-14-2018 20:38
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Women have options. Men have responsibilities.
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03-14-2018 19:12
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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, here’s a gentle reminder that the moon’s diameter is 3475Km in diameter and you could not have fked this up more
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03-14-2018 16:59 by Chencho
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Do necrophyliacs need dead batteries for their sex toys?
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03-14-2018 16:11 by Vlad
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You can take the New Yorker out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the New Yorker.
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03-14-2018 14:20
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