Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 813 of 6383
A man dining in a restaurant asked his server "Do you have frog legs?" The server replied "Yes". The man said, "Then hop into the kitchen and bring me my dinner!"
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11-16-2017 21:16
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The good news for AL Franken is this should make him a contender for President
All these revelations of sexual harassment, groping etc coming out of Hollywood is horrible...but how is Richard Dawson not being mentioned? That dude used to do it right on TV (Family Feud)!
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11-16-2017 13:05
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Just because you're trash doesn't mean you cant do great things...Its called a Garbage Can,Not a Garbage Cannot.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy... Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
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11-16-2017 02:56 by Fr8Train
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I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation... My Czech is in the mail
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11-16-2017 02:51 by Fr8Train
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After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes...... "No hablo ingles."
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11-16-2017 02:50 by Fr8Train
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My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.
I don't recall what I can't recall because I can't recall it. Jeff Session
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11-15-2017 18:49
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wife: I'm having a baby. me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have a baby as well.
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11-15-2017 13:55
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If it wasn't for online porn I couldn't spell amateur.
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11-15-2017 13:52
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The only person I wanna chat with is my dog.
-inventing vodka- who’s thirsty for yeast infected potato juice?
Superman wears glasses, everyone thinks he’s a different person. I wear glasses people say: “Hey, why are you wearing glasses?”
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11-15-2017 05:06 by huck
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Irony: People waving Confederate flags telling others, "get over it, you lost".
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11-14-2017 23:59
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those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope
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11-14-2017 20:54 by Eddy
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Gross thought of the day... Vienna sausage juice.
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11-14-2017 20:45
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Q. What does a day old donut have in common with Betty White? A. They're both pretty dry when you eat them.
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11-14-2017 19:03
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I'll bet that hookers calculate their profits and losses by using a spread sheet.
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11-14-2017 16:38
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If you have a Democrat passenger, you get free parking in the handicap zone.
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11-14-2017 04:13
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