BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I saw a piece of s$it on the ground yesterday. It reminded me of you.

   When you have children yourself, you begin to understand what you owe your parents.

   The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"

   Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.

   When I'm a millionare, I'm hiring someone whose only job is to stand at the top of a stairwell and high-five me when I get to the top.

   At a Birthday Party, I dared one kid to suck all the helium out of all the balloons. Today this kid is known as Justin Bieber.

   Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.

   Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.

   A snail that meows, a squirrel in an astronaut suit, a crab with a whale as a daughter, The creators of SPONGEBOB were obviously high.

   It's only a matter of time until The Homeless start accepting Credit Cards.

   When I sing with my headphones in I think, "Why don't I have a record deal?!"...Then I take them out and I know why.

   I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.

   The McRib is like an exgirlfriend visiting, you know you probably shouldn't do it, but hey, it's back for a limited time.

   Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.

   Me: So, you like bad boys? Girl: Oh Yeah! Me: Well, I'm not to impress you or anything but at Walmart I enter through the exit door.

   I do everything faster when I have to pee.

   Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry. 

   When I was a kid, I used to close the fridge door slowly just to see when the light turned off.

   I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

   Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends.