Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 809 of 6383
I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
I am fully prepared to replace Donald Trump with the guy who says dilly dilly in the beer commercials
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11-29-2017 13:33
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Teach your children about rejection by getting them a cat
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11-29-2017 13:30
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The punisher is like every other Marvel Tv show on Netflix. Could have done everything in 2 episodes but decided to add 8 more unnecessary ones.
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11-29-2017 13:26
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So I was right! - I tell my wife about buying the genetically modified turkey as I eat the 5th turkey leg
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11-29-2017 12:28
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christmas has been cancelled this year due to santa being fired for inappropriate behavior by asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...
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11-29-2017 12:24 by bdog
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I don't think I can name one unemployed coal miner who has gotten a job in the last 10 months.
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11-29-2017 11:37
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breaking news... sorry folks, christmas has been cancelled due to santa being fired for asking a girl if she had been naughty or nice...
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11-29-2017 10:33 by bdog
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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch, its called #LUNCH
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11-29-2017 04:28
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R. M. Was turned down on his offer to play santa at an all girls middle school.
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11-29-2017 00:00
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Some times you have to ask yourself. Is it worth the rug burn. . .
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11-28-2017 19:21 by JAB
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
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11-27-2017 21:46
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Today only: PetSmart is giving away free canaries with no perches necessary.
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11-27-2017 08:11
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Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.
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11-27-2017 04:50
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Just been to the gym for the 5th time in a week, and people are saying things like "well done!", "that's so impressive!", and "you can't come in here just to use the vending machine
Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus
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11-26-2017 07:55 by Jake
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You can’t play it safe and have fun; but with fun, there comes a price.
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11-26-2017 04:41
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When you’re only 14 and you have no friends. This is what you do?
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11-26-2017 04:41
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Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
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11-25-2017 23:46 by Jake
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Gonorrhea would have been a good name for a diarrhea medicine... #DeepThoughts