Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 802 of 6383
Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.
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12-15-2017 11:47
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A friend with weed is a friend in need of rehab.
The Meaning of Life is simply to give your Life Meaning.
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12-15-2017 11:04
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My brother-in-law likes to brag how he always eats right, exercises, doesn't smoke or drink, sees his doctor every year for a checkup etc. I told him that someday he is going to look awful stupid lying in a hospital dying from nothing.
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12-15-2017 08:56
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Before we start having any hope for the future of humanity, we should really look into how Women park Cars
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12-15-2017 06:36
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Does this mean we'll have to pay more to access webpages that were free?
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12-14-2017 18:14
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What people need are Café Mocha Marijuana Latte's. . .
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12-14-2017 09:27 by JAB
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Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really it's coming on?
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12-14-2017 09:21
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I need a Café Mocha Valium Latte.
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12-14-2017 09:20
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Ladies, if you wait until your 30s to donate your eggs, they'll tell you no and that you'll have to find another way to finance your kitchen remodeling project.
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12-14-2017 08:33
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A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.
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12-14-2017 05:42 by flinnie
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A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop
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12-14-2017 05:03
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I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard
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12-14-2017 05:02
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If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small B**Bs
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12-14-2017 05:02
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I stubbed my toe on a chair and became Kanye west for two minutes
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12-14-2017 05:02
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Apparently NPR and PBS are filled with sexual perverts. God, I hope Cookie Monster is not involved
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12-13-2017 22:04
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Based on my calculations, DIRECTV is gonna be short $4,294,619.62 next year with all these loyalty gifts they're giving away!
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12-13-2017 14:16 by Scooter
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A friend of mine asked what it's like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
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12-13-2017 09:50
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the key to good parenting a small boy is making him realize he doesn't have to shout because you are literally right next to him
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12-13-2017 09:48
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Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
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12-13-2017 09:43
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