Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 802 of 6446

A snail is just a booger wearing a crash helmet
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04-05-2018 02:00
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Fun fact: Cops do not like to be told “You’re not the boss of me.”
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04-05-2018 01:38
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My virginity was protected for a long time by a force field or awkwardness.
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04-05-2018 00:30
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A non-smoker told me that with all the cigarette packs I bought, I could have bought a Ferrari with that money. My reply to him was "Where's your Ferrari?".
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04-04-2018 15:34
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Last night I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed, because it was a Chinese restaurant.
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04-04-2018 08:58
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The most effective way to remember your GF's birthday is to forget it once
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04-04-2018 07:08
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If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
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04-04-2018 07:08
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My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My Housemaid thought it was a weighing scale. Conclusion: My Housemaid weighs 750 dollars.....
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04-04-2018 07:07
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You're not satisfied with your life? Complain about it on Facebook, God must be subscribed to your updates
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04-04-2018 07:07
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why do they call it delivering a baby if you still have to take the baby home yourself?
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04-04-2018 05:43
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The shooter most likely got tired of not been able to skip ads on youtube
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04-03-2018 19:25
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the Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters
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04-03-2018 14:44
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I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.
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04-03-2018 09:19
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If you receive a text/forward that says, ”Send it to all your friends,” then please don't consider me as your friend while forwarding it, thanks
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04-03-2018 05:56
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The larger the implants, the more likely women get confused by a push/pull door
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04-03-2018 05:56
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My doctor told me to stay off sugar until I’m done taking the meds he prescribed, he has 28 twitter followers, what does he even know?
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04-03-2018 05:56
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I told my kids the Easter bunny is lazy...He didn't even cook or color the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge
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04-02-2018 20:35
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I am making an omelet out of Cadbury Eggs and jellybeans.

I love millennials. Their are so many parallel parking spaces they don't know how to park.

What if April 2 is April Fool's Day and we've been April Fooled all this time?