BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom.

   It's only a matter of time until Facebook adds “friend-zoned” as a relationship status.

   For Easter I'm gonna get really drunk and hide a whole bunch of eggs, wake up sober and have an Easter egg hunt with myself!

   Best prank call ever: "Hello, Dominos?"... "Yes, how may I help you?"... "What's the number to call Pizza Hut?"

   Word of Advice: No matter what city you live in, no matter where you travel, there will always be douche bags there.

   The older I get, the more I think I owe my parents an apology...

   If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell hot sauce packets... Congrats, you have reached rock bottom.

   I wouldn't consider myself Single, more like I'm in a relationship with Freedom!

   My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

   “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

   The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.

   That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person.

   If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I can only hope that they split us up by music genre.

   I'd like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.

   My favorite machine at the gym is the exit door.

   I only have a home phone so I can find my cell phone.

   Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...

   Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.

   I will rip my teeth out removing a price tag off a new shirt before I look for scissors.