jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Shark Week is over, but I'm not taking down my decorations

   Jersey Shore is on tonight? I guess I need to figure out how to get these Valtrex into my DirecTV box then.

   California judge overturns Proposition 8 gay marriage ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server ban. Williams-Sonoma registry server crashes

   ‎9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!

   The BP spill is now officially the worst spill in history.. surpassing Monica Lewinsky's dress.

   Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"

   BP says it will emerge from the current situation "smaller and wiser." I assume sea life will emerge "shinier and more waterproof."

   I'm thinking comic-con might be the place to look for Bin Laden this week. Easy to find 72 virgins there...

   I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.

   A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.

   The first guy to blow a vuvuzela at an NFL game will be getting his a$$ kicked.

   Cool slogan for the new Facebook movie: "See it with someone you never talked to in high school."

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   i am pleased that BP has stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico

   WTF is up with people hating on HipHop these days? Thanks to Lil Wayne,I now know that a "Goblin" is better than a "Goon", Pitbull taught Me how to count to 4 in Spanish, and Plies taught me how to be intimate with a woman by pouring Kool-Aid down her a$$

   Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"

   I saw a guy in WalMart wearing aqua socks. I was afraid to take his picture, as it might provoke my murder and subsequent skinning.

   Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never read a Twilight book.

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.