SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

   there an instrument called the didgeridon't? Because there should be.

   It would be cool if getting Lou Gehrig's disease meant you became amazing at baseball.

   Facebook's just not as fulfilling as it never was.

   I think everything my children have said for the past 48 hours has been in the form of a question. I'm living in Alex Trebek's nightmare.

   It's important to let go of your dreams if you want to make room for more brownies.

   Things to do: 1) Dig a hole 2) Name it love 3) Watch people fall in love.

   Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?

   Build a barricade?! Crap, I thought you said build a bear arcade. Those bears are gonna be pissed when I tell them no more Cruis'n USA.

   For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist.

   "Dr. Oz" sounds like the guy you'd buy shrooms from in community college.

   I bet in hell you have to sleep in a hot bedroom with a pillow that never has a cool side.

   A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.

   It's not really such an "Easy-Bake" oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking *forever*.

   My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

   "Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center

   During exams, students look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information.

   "When the hell did I say all that?" -Simon

   Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.

   I've been trying to throw away this trash can for the past 2 months & the garbage men just keep leaving it on the sidewalk.