Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   I hate when I'm sitting on bleachers and Half my nutsack falls asleep!WTF

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

   This time of year makes me miss the two guys from the old Miller's Outpost commercials.

   I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...

   So proud of my lil' hound dog. Taught Her to sit and lay down on command in less than five minutes. With treats of course. Just that much closer to the final lesson of Go fetch Daddy a beer!

   What superpower would I want? The ability to know if the bite of food is rotten or moldy BEFORE I stick in my mouth and chew!

   When you live in the country as I do, the term "prosecuted" translates to "shot".

   To all the merchants trying to make a buck off of Christmas...Go elf yourself!

   I know I can't be the only one here hitting these ads by mistake trying to go to the next page.

   Finally with today's paycheck, I've saved up enough cash to get the "gold" package on my '93 Sentra.

   I'm trying not to judge, but your silver front teeth scream "Medi-Cal".

   When I say I have "true grit" right now, I'm not talking about how tough I am. Just that I happend to smile during this dust storm :/

   If your name is on your shirt, you are considered lower class. If it's on the door where you work you're middle class. If it's on the building, upper class(looks at shirt) Crap!!!

   Today is the worst day ever! (wait for the "what's wrong?" reply. Then post "Today, I finished off the Thanksgiving leftovers".

   Personally, I'd like to see Gillette come out with an eight-ply roll of toilette paper.

   "To Hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat same as worms."-Josie Wales

   at Walmart buying pajama jeans for Thanksgiving dinner.

   Man Rule #4: Never be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.

   As cold as it is outside, today might be a good day to double-up on my underwear.