Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   4-year-olds can be a pain in the ass. 4-year old nice: “Why don’t you wear makeup?” Me: “Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy.” 4-year old nice: “Do you enjoy being ugly?”

   Being funny is so much hotter than being hot.

   I'm white but not "I know who my state senator is", white.

   if you have already read the books please don't spoil the ending of the world cup

   So Ronaldo & Friends, sorry I mean Portugal got knocked out of the world cup last night.

   When you look at the time left on a movie and you start panicking because you feel there’s still so much left to do and so little time left.

   A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.

   The first thing I do in a relationship is panic.

   The way to a man's heart is through the kitchen.

   Dear customer service: I’m typing this with my middle fingers, if that tells you anything about my satisfaction.

   Fellas; There is no need to have a Facebook war. There are enough women to go around on Facebook for you to have a fake relationship with.

   Nothing has ever bothered me more than when a math question ended with “how many people does it take?” and your answer had a fraction.

   It wasn't weird until you expected me to act normal.

   Dating tip: Never let your girlfriend know you’re good at something you hate doing.

   I'm no expert but I think your Facebook status updates can be used for your insanity defense.

   Coffee is just a hug for your insides.

   Have you ever told someone you'd be ready in 10 minutes and 4 hours later you're still on Facebook?

   A Rape Whistle.....But for unwanted conversation.

   Well done, you are popular on Social Media. Sorry about the rest of your life.

   I tried being myself once... I got arrested.