Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 799 of 6446

At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
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04-10-2018 05:43
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I decided to weigh myself this morning when the scale said "Lo". I was ready to get all excited when I realized it just mean the battery! Ugh
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04-10-2018 05:43
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Planning a wedding with your fiancee is good practice for divorce
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04-10-2018 05:43
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M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested
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04-09-2018 23:32
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I want to find a lawyer that makes $130,000 payments on my behalf, for things I never did, and he doesn't ask for repayment. Amazing.
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04-09-2018 22:58
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Notice when Obama was president, spring always came on time? Just saying......
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04-09-2018 18:24
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I turned out ok for a kid raised in large part by Bugs Bunny.
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04-09-2018 15:19
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If there's one person on the planet capable of rejecting President Trump's requests (without enduring the wrath of his Twitter fury), it's Melania Trump.
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04-09-2018 13:26
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I love it when people knocks on my door. It gives me an excuse to use my guns.
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04-09-2018 13:25
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Sometimes I just want to be taken seriously; other times I just want to be taken, seriously.
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04-09-2018 12:10
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I am planning to enjoy my evening with the in-laws tonight by filling the medicine cabinet with ping pong balls
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04-09-2018 12:05
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I just saved a ton of money not spent at Disneyworld by making my kids stand in line in the backyard for 3 hours and then taking them to the bathroom.
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04-09-2018 12:01
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Sometimes I am busy tweeting and I stop and think, "did a jogger just bounce off my windshield?"
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04-09-2018 11:50
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Our dog just winked at me, and now I am trying to figure out what secret we are keeping from the rest of the family.
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04-09-2018 11:46
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It's pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it's not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
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04-09-2018 11:36
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I'm old enough to remember when apparently the worst thing life could hand you was lemons.
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04-09-2018 11:27
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When someone knocks on my door, I find the best thing to do is knock back from my side. Then they go away.
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04-09-2018 11:22
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All my updates will be posted in CAPITALS from now on. I posted this one in Atlanta.
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04-09-2018 08:12
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Sorry Facebook ... you didn't protect me, my kids and grandma's secret peach cobbler recipe. You're now the new MySpace to me.
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04-09-2018 06:38
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I don’t remember the last time I knew what I was doing.
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04-09-2018 06:26
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