Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 796 of 6383
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
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01-01-2018 02:38
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Happy new year! The south still lost the civil war.
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01-01-2018 02:35
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If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.
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12-31-2017 23:38 by Jake
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There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.
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12-31-2017 23:35 by Jake
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Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.
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12-31-2017 13:52 by mds
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Big deal, Times Square, I drop the ball at least twice a week.
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12-31-2017 06:14
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If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
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12-30-2017 21:09
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In the New Year, I resolve to be more resolute in making revolutionary resolutions.
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12-30-2017 20:32
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You say Imagine Dragons, I say any other group than that
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12-30-2017 18:14
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Tomorrow is New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don't drink and drive and become the nut
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12-30-2017 15:11
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Caitlyn Jenner claims Bruce fondled her for over 50 years.
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12-30-2017 07:57
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Was at a restaurant earlier and when I asked for the check the waitress said "Do you wanna box for your food?" and stunned as I was all I could say was "No ma'am, I'm against violence. Can I just pay with my card?" What is this world coming to?!
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12-30-2017 05:04
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Be right back, I'm gonna go pet that dog. Me, drunk, about to get butted by a goat. 🐐
I'm going back home to ponder why climate change isn't real because it's cold outside.
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12-29-2017 16:54 by Mr.C
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That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
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12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny
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When I text I use the word duck a lot. Mainly because auto-correct is a ditch.
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12-29-2017 07:39
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I wanted you, but couldn't find the cheat codes to the game you playing.
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12-29-2017 07:21
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"You the bomb" "No, you the bomb" - A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east.
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12-29-2017 01:49 by trickz100
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My cooking is so good even my smoke alarm comments on it.
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12-28-2017 23:57 by Jake
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What goes up must come down. Except maybe for crawling underwear.
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12-28-2017 12:15
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