SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

   Everyone hits a brick wall now and then, the trick is not to do it with your head.

   The best things in life are free……for the first 90 days.

   Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade's gonna suck!

   Remember, they're laughing with you, not at you. They're only pointing at you so you know who they're laughing with.

   I'm convinced that you could start a fire with the insides of a just nuked Hot Pocket.

   I still say they would sell way more PT Cruisers if they would just put a ZZ Top logo on the side.

   That'll do, Jamie Lee Curtis. I think we are all now sufficiently aware of how well and often you poop. Enough.

   What all do I want on my 5 dollar footlong you ask? Let's just say I want you to have to sit on it like a suitcase to get it to closed when you're done.

   The surest sign that there is intelligent life somewhere in the Universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us.

   If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

   Dear Raisin Bran: Two scoops my a$$.

   Everyone has the capacity to learn from their mistakes. I learned a lot today.

   All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

   I wish I could commute by roller coaster.

   Forrest Gump taught us a strange life lesson: Be completely unaware of all success you've achieved and you'll own 50% of a billion dollar shrimpin' company.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   Why don't people ever hoard good stuff? I if I were a hoarder, I'd have a house full of cupcakes and slip-n-slides.

   The majority of life's greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.

   What's the point of the Psychic Hotline if they won't tell me where my other shoe is?!?