Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 773 of 6383
For every women that has rejected me . I'm going to give them chocolate covered Tide pods for Valentine's day
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02-08-2018 13:11 by loverboy
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I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
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02-08-2018 08:38
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My calculator is missing the minus button, but on the plus side it still works.
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02-08-2018 08:37
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I just saw what came out of me, so I highly doubt I am beautiful on the inside.
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02-08-2018 08:34
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Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all
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02-08-2018 03:09
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Man to a super cute air hostess : Whats your name? Air Hostess: Eva Benz Man: Lovely name, any relationship with Mercedes Benz? Air Hostess: Our Maintenance cost is the same
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02-08-2018 03:08
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The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
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02-08-2018 03:08
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In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room
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02-08-2018 03:08
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Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
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02-08-2018 03:07
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Did you know oranges can be male or female? If it squirts in your eye without warning it's a male and if it's bitter for no reason it's a female.
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02-07-2018 15:16
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I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
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02-07-2018 11:54
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I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
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02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS
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If David Letterman moves to Canada, does he have to change his last name?
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02-07-2018 09:06 by markf
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Ran out of post-it notes, now I don't know how to remind myself to buy more.
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02-07-2018 07:58
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had a mix up at the store today when the cashier asked me to strip down facing her she apparently was talking about my debit card..
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02-07-2018 05:55 by SEAN
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Eagles deflated tom brady
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02-06-2018 21:18
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idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"
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02-06-2018 19:06 by Eddy
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Kylie Jenner named her baby Stormy... So let me get this straight.... The Kardashians now have a Stormy, North, Chicago with a Saint?!
Rumor has it there's a Tesla floating out in space somewhere. Finders keepers!!!
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02-06-2018 18:36
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Apparently during one of the celebrations/riots in Philadelphia someone was arrested for punching a police horse. The man spent the night in jail while the horse was listed a being in “stable “ condition.
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02-06-2018 15:14 by Cicci
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