Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   this new "space force" we're going to have....will basic training include making the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs

   There's no place like space. There's no place like space. There's no place like space. Oh aunty Em.

   How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?

   I'm just here to offer you a glimmer of nope.

   When will the Death Star be completed by our Space Force program?

   The joke's on you, internet cookies. I clicked that ad you keep showing by accident!

   An Einstein bagel and a Smart Water for breakfast... Somehow I feel dumb paying $13 for that.

   Why don't the rename Chicago Obama too since it went so well during his tenure?

   Good morning to everyone except if your name starts with S, just like my ex’s.

   I hate it when I click on a porn video and I can see myself in the screen while it's loading?

   Space Force: Make the galaxy great again.

   "Of course you can do a roundhouse kick!" - alcohol

   Day 4 without net neutrality: the kids found a half eaten raccoon we can eat. Grandma is wandering the streets looking for Candy Crush lives. We’re burning furniture to stay warm.

   I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.

   I once booked a cruise just so I could walk around for 7 days saying “Looks like we’re all in the same boat” to everyone else on board.

   * The difference between trump and kim firing someone trump "YOU'RE FIRED" kin: ready, aim,

   My memory is so bad that.............

   When someone says "good luck with that" are they being nice or sarcastic?

   If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?

   The weather guy said I should drink plenty of electrolytes in this heat, does beer have electrolytes? Asking for a friend.