Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 762 of 6383
Being single is like "Do you want to eat this? We're just going to throw it away." (...Wow, thanks. I feel so special!)
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02-26-2018 09:09
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If life was a YouTube video, Monday would be that annoying ad that doesn't have the "You can skip in 5 seconds" option.
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02-26-2018 06:58
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I have a terrible fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
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02-26-2018 06:51
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The best way to make your kids understand the whole idea of paying taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream
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02-26-2018 04:55
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Mom: you're all dressed up, where are you going? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new picture for my facebook profile.
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02-26-2018 04:55
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I am really not surprised that there are not many women race car drivers, Women drive all over town like race car drivers anyway
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02-26-2018 04:55
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There was a time when Women used to dress to to impress men these days Women dress to irritate other Women
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02-26-2018 04:54
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"Shutting the hell up about your diet" is also a way of losing calories
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02-26-2018 04:54
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When we go shopping, my wife thinks that I am bored because I constantly keep looking at my phone
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02-26-2018 04:53
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We don't appreciate all these redneck, inbreeding stereotypes. Ain't that right, Uncle Dad?
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02-26-2018 00:27
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A plumber's job can draining.
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02-26-2018 00:01 by Jake
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Boobs are like the sun, you can take a quick look but it's dangerous to stare.
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02-25-2018 23:57 by Jake
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it me or people who moved to a warmer weather have nothin to say on their post expect weather??
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02-25-2018 21:07
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Don't run with bagpipes, you could put an aye out. Or worse, you could get kilt.
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02-25-2018 19:34
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Mexican hookers plan to drill glory holes in Trump's wall.
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02-25-2018 14:21
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A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
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02-25-2018 13:10 by MDS
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I planted a loaf of Ezekiel bread. It grew into a tree filled with cuckoo birds quoting verses from the Old Testament.
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02-25-2018 12:57 by Da-Lort
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Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
I have a midget friend. He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him "Little Seizures." I'm going to hell.
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02-25-2018 09:20
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I have been on hold for the past ten minutes!! If I ever find the guy who invented automated telephone systems, I'm going to give him a choice - Press 1 to be kicked in the a$$, Press 2 to be pushed off a cliff or Press 3 to go to jail.
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02-25-2018 08:29
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