SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   They say you're only as old as you feel, so I must be kinda-drunk-and-a-little-hungry years old.

   You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.

   Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.

   They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   "I don't care if it takes 10 years, a war and trillions of dollars, I will find you." - Me about figuring out who unfriended me on Facebook.

   Saying "cool" also means, I don't give a sh!t.

   People treat you differently when you're holding a baby. Especially in strip clubs.

   The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist.

   Well, I see no one turned up for first day of ninja school… or did they?

   We let you do whatever you want. Otherwise, why the hell would you ever come here?? - Nevada's State Motto

   Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.

   I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...

   I think these news stations are missing the boat with these marathon storm tracking sessions. They need to sell advertising! "This Tornado warning is brought to you by Glad Trash Bags. Glad...when you have to clean debris the next morning, don't get mad..

   I imagine rolling around in money feels a lot better when it's not coins

   I'm no binge drinker. Binge drinking is defined as having 5 or more drinks at 1 sitting. I usually have my 4th and 5th lying on the floor.

   I've got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.

   Next time someone calls you a disappointment, remind them everyone is great at something and you just happen to excel at disappointing.

   I don't keep a gun in my house but I do have a carefully positioned cactus.

   Wrong # call=boring. Wrong # text message=fun. Someone text me "Carl, where the hell r u?" I responded "sex change, call you back as Carla."

   WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.