SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   A journey of ten feet begins with a single “Where the #%!= is the remote?”

   Since almost 7 billion people live on Earth now, the statement "you're one in a million" really isn't that much of a compliment anymore.

   I'll never just put the seat down; the lid's going down with it. If I gotta work, so does she.

   I hate gently tossing my phone on the bed and it ricocheting off three walls, hitting a lamp, and a cat.

   Sex for Hugh Hefner at his age must be like shooting pool with a rope.

   I'm going to install a horn for the back of my car for retaliatory, defensive honks.

   "The guy you dreamed of isn't available, so they sent me instead." What all dudes should say on a first date.

   There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.

   Just because it"s called spandex..doesn't mean it should be put to the "how far can it expand" test.

   I wonder if starving kids in Africa are comforted by the fact that people routinely use them as an excuse to over eat.

   I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning. I also understand the concept of space flight. Doesnt mean I'm going to the moon anytime soon.

   I try to get out of my car with my seatbelt still on far more than any person should,

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   I sleep naked so if there's some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.

   Turns out, "Cowboys & Aliens" is NOT about Arizona's immigration laws.

   I'm sick of having to capitalize "I." Whoever made up that rule sucks!

   I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me.

   I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the sh!t out of.

   My attention has no span.

   Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in then they cut you off.