BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Dear women of Jersey Shore, You're making me look bad. Sincerely, Orange.

   I fear the day I get so drunk that I actually accept Facebook's request to change my profile over to Timeline.

   Today I was pulled over by a woman cop... I didn't know kitchens had speed limits

   Okay everyone hold.... HOLD... we will slide down and all attack at once!" - Ice cubes in the bottom of a cup.

   Liking" a picture at 2AM on Facebook is more like "I would LIKE to have sex with you.

   Awww, someone needs a hug! "Touch me and you die."

   Never plan a future with someone that has no future plans for themselves.

   Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, this is Awesome!"

   I use Google to check if I have internet connection more than I use Google to Google.

   Every Saturday morning I wake up in fear... the fear of looking through my phone.

   Lebron: I'm proposing to my girl. Kobe: with what?

   Dear Inventor of the Keyboard, Why did you make the "t" and the "g" so close together? I keep signing my letters "With Retards"

   Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having

   If you're playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night & you put your ear up to your monitor, it sounds exactly like having no friends.

   Can't call it a real relationship if you feel single.

   NEWS FLASH: "Before" is spelled B-E-F-O-R-E, not B4...this is English, not Bingo.

   I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

   Remember: Being awake during a Saturday Morning sunrise is a sign of a good Friday Night.

   How come Mario can smash bricks with his head, but when he touches a turtle he dies

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.