Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "The summit meeting went so well that putin is thinking of letting trump be president for another four years."

   "You tube's How to use a fire extinguisher shouldn't have a advert before it.

   George W said he spoke with Osama, and Osama said he didn't do it.

   I'm attending the next Trump rally because I love puppet shows.

   Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.

   The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy. Pack her bags and leave.

   I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.

   Every time I get a kiss, I end up smelling like pepper spray....

   "Why is it that a insecure person(d.j.t.) needs to express their accomplishments that they never accomplished.

   Now that FIFA is over, it's time to get back to your own goals!

   I love that "take out" means food, dating, and murder.

   Some days I survive, other days I don't. It's no big deal either way.

   If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer? You smart people just grinned; didn't you?

   They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.

   Sacha Baron Cohen's TV show, Who Is America?, is the greatest!

   When I was 10 years old, people that had over 50 seemed so old... wreckled... slow... I'm going to have 55 in a month.. it is not that bad! But people in their 90's look so old...

   Be careful if you are thinking of getting a rescue dog. My grandma got one and when she fell and couldn't get up. The rescue dog just sat there staring at her.

   Some sheep can't see past the Shepherd ...

   Yay! Now I can go back to saying the word "Soccer" without some pretentious fan reminding me that it's referred to as "Football" in other parts of the world.

   The spectacle before us was indeed sublime.