Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 746 of 6383
So this package explosion situation in Texas. Are we blaming the person or the packages? Asking for a friend
Maybe when God was creating the centipede he fell asleep with his elbow on the Leg button
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03-21-2018 12:19
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If you are surprised that Facebook may be selling your data then you are the reason hairdryers come with the warning, "Do not use in shower"
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03-21-2018 10:10 by markf
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> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn
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03-21-2018 09:55
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have you ever quit alcohol to save money then realised that alcohol money cannot be saved because if you're not drinking it, it doesn't exist?
At the bar, someone asked me "what's my angle". I told her "about 30 degrees".
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03-21-2018 08:57
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The Age of Men is over. The Time of the self-killing cars has come!
Why does the speaker of the house have a spoke person ?
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03-20-2018 22:13
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Honey badgers aren’t as delicious as they sound
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03-20-2018 19:04
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A chef these days is someone who constantly yells and swears at you in the kitchen.
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03-20-2018 19:01
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If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
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03-20-2018 18:22
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I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
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03-20-2018 15:26
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Sex so good I wake up in the middle of it
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03-20-2018 15:26
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A confessional booth is a glory hole for secrets.
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03-20-2018 15:25
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I like to arrive fashionably late and unfashionably intoxicated
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03-20-2018 15:23
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Bending over, preparing to do my taxes.
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03-20-2018 15:20
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Them: What's your favorite food? Me: Yes.
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03-20-2018 15:17
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Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
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03-20-2018 15:12
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I put my pants on just like anyone else; unwillingly.
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03-20-2018 15:11
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I was always told, "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!" And ever since I received that sage advice, I've never lost my house or car keys!
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03-20-2018 15:06
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