BEGO Funny Status Messages

   The best way to get over your ex? Get under someone else!

   Big Sunglasses: An ugly chick's best friend.

   When your foot falls asleep, that's God's way of saying... "Move, your lazy a$s!"

   Stop warning stupid people and give evolution a chance to work its wonderful process.

   [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon.

   girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old s?it

   It's funny how you can do nice things for people all the time and they never notice. But, once you make one mistake, it's never forgotten.

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger… If people could learn to manage their stupidity. 

   I want to ask some people, "How do you take dumps when s$it comes out of your mouth 24/7?

   If I come to your house and you say "make yourself at home", don't get mad when I take my pants off and drink your beer.

   When black girls take off their earrings you know s$it just got real.

   There are over 52.6 million dogs in the U.S. Not counting your ex.

   I am generally caught off guard when people have their cell phone ringer turned on..

   If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit "end" on a call, I would have no friends.

   Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends'.

   I don't know exactly who's health I'm drinking to, but they're going to be immortal at this rate

   Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!

   Women are a Weapon of Cash Destruction.

   When I was your age, I had to download porn on a dial up connection.

   I was playing with my new toaster in the bathtub today then I read the warning label and it said not to. I was shocked.