Funny Status Messages

   ive been seeing this girl in my building for about 2 weeks,but its over now she caught me and threatened to call the cops.

   "The worst fault that people have is telling other people theirs."

   No I am not childish. You are just a doodoo head!

   Yaaay! Sam Patten has joined Mueller's side. Welcome to the club, Sam!

   Brace yourself for pumpkin his and pumpkin that bull$hit

   "Just because she weighed as much as 2 people, that doesn't mean you had a threesome."

   Remember: Every single frozen corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy, my friends.

   I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.

   Charity should be anonymous. That is why I donate to strippers going to college, they have NO clue who I am.

   I refused to buy my 6 year old nephew a Barbie doll for his birthday because I believe that Barbie dolls give little boys unrealistic expectations. There is no way you could rip a woman’s head off that easily.

   Have you solved the PUZZLE or are you still looking for the pieces ?

   You ever read a girl status and wished someone would just treat her right so she'd just stfu

   Out of all the utensils to eat rice with how the f*@k did 2 sticks win?

   Counting to ten when you are angry always works better if you are counting punches to somebody's face.

   "He who has not learn to obey, can not be a great leader."

   my girlfriend thinks I am afraid of commitment my wife on the other hand...

   no one could ever hate me half as much as I dont care

   Saw a new woman's talk show called "The Woman's Talk hour." It's on weekdays from 1pm to 3:30pm.

   "This isn't my first rodeo." -Me, at my second rodeo

   I love the fact that "Take Out" means food, dating, and murder.